MEDIOCREWRITER - The Word Processor for No One

by Anonymous

MediocreWriter from Joe's Garage Inc.; 1/2-sided, sloppy-sectored, 5 3/8 inch droopy disk.  39
cents.

As you might expect from this program's name and price, it's a bare-bones, no-frills word processor
package.  What does "bare bones" mean?  For one thing, you don't get multiple screens--in fact, you
get no screens at all.  Joe, the program's writer, claims that in about six months, an update (19 cents)
will be available that'll give the program video-display capabilities.  In the meantime, you'll simply have
to remember what you key in.

Another upgrade will enable you to type upper-case characters and numbers greater than seven.  But
don't let these seemingly negative comments dissuade you from buying the program.  In reality, the 39
cent price makes it a good value for the money.  For example, you can use the disk as a coaster for
large beer mugs.

What are the program's good points?  It contains a three-word spelling correction program called
MediocreSpeller.  If you misspell the words A, AND, or THE, it causes your computer to shut off and
locks the disk drive head on track 42.

MediocreWriter's documentation is in keeping with the program's other annoying features.  It consists
of a barely legible mimeographed sheet with the following instructions on it:

Turn computer on
Insert disk
Use program

The program is not copy-protected.  Explains Joe: "Who would want to copy it?"  And it takes little
memory space: 323 bytes.  It's available for the Lemming/DOS operating system for use on Joe's PC
(available from Joe for $9.95).

Fundamentally, MediocreWriter is Joe's latest attempt to write software that works.  It doesn't pretend
to be anything other than what is:  the sleeziest, most limited, bug-ridden word-processing program that
exists.

Joe admits, "It stinks."  In addition to its lack of a video-display capability, it has a tendency to set
computers on fire and trigger nearby automatic washing machines.  It handles 21 lower-case alphabetic
characters and numbers from one to six; punctuation is limited to the exclamation point.

The program is interactive with Joe's other two packages, Lousycalc, a 1-column, 1-row spreadsheet;
and RottenFiler, a database management program that accepts one entry.  In short, I like it!

(from SCOPE, Society of Computer Owners and Pet Enthusiasts, Dallas-Ft. Worth TX, 6/89, via the
Commodore Information Center, http://home.att.net/~rmestel/commodore.html)