Hello and welcome to Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 & 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can answer the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. (From the Commodore Information Center http://home.att.net/~rmestel/commodore.html via FUNHUG newsletter, Fremont CA, 2/96, via The Internet)